Welcome to the Sext-o-matic!

The Sext-o-matic is a sexy text message generator that you can customize for your enjoyment – and your partner's. Use it when you want fresh inspiration for your sexting, or when you want a fun bedroom game....or use it to set up automatically scheduled messages so your partner never has to go a day without a super hot (or sometimes, super weird) message.

If you ever think....

Gosh, I would love to send sexy messages to my partner, but who has the time?

Wouldn't it be great if we could spend less time touching each other, and more time touching our computers?

I love sexting my partner, but wouldn't it be sexier if it involved a spreadsheet?

...then you have come to the right place!

IMPORTANT NOTES The Sext-o-matic is designed for use by consenting, geeky adults. Do not use this tool to send sexts without explicit consent. And also, talk with your partner about how they will keep your dirty messages from showing up on their computer screen while they're in the middle of delivering a presentation via screenshare. There is no tech support team. This is just me messing around. So have fun with the Sext-o-matic, but if it's annoying you or your partner, just go to Zapier and turn off your Zaps. I can't help fix any configuration issues and I have no control over how people use this tool once they copy it.

HOW TO SET UP THE SEXT-O-MATIC FOR YOUR SEXTING PLEASURE

1. Copy this doc to your own Google Drive folder. Make sure it's not a folder you share with your colleagues!

2. In the Ingredients tab, customize as follows:

A. Change the items in the "MY PARTS" column to reflect the body parts you do or don't possess, or that you do/don't enjoy having touched.

B. Change the items in the "PARTNER PARTS" column to reflect the body parts your partner does/doesn't possess, and does/doesn't like having touched.

C. Update/change the items in the ADVERB, VERB and ADJECTIVE columns to reflect your tastes and your partners. The template deliberately excluded rougher or kinkier ideas that might disturb some people, but could be a turn-on for others!

D. Note: If you add more emoji options for the ends of your sexts, be sure to add a space before the emoji you place in the punctuation column.

Congratulations! You now have a custom sext generator. You now have two options:

Option 1: Copy & paste your sexts from the Manual Sexts tab to your messaging app, and send them manually, like some kind of animal. JK. Really, this option is totally fine! Your partner will love it! Maybe? Here's how to do it: Create a new row in the Sexts tab whenever you want a new message to send, and then copy the Sext in column K to your messaging app. Just fill down or copy the most recent row into a new row and you'll get a new sext. Make sure to copy/fill an entire row, from columns A to K. (Columns B to J are hidden, but they are still there and they still matter -- and as long as you've selected columns A and K, they'll be selected too.)

Option 2: B. Use Zapier to connect your own Sext-o-matic sheet to a sexting schedule and set it up to send automatically scheduled messages to your sweetie, like some kind of epic nerd sex deity! Sext-o-matic will generate a fresh sext (in both senses!) every time. Follow the directions on the Zapier configuration tab. Maybe pour yourself a drink first.