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Babylon Bee's List of Fulfilled Prophecies

Please enjoy this collection of Babylon Bee jokes that came true.

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Prophecy:Date Written:Fulfillment:Date Fulfilled:
Merriam-Webster Updates Definition Of 'Fascism' To 'Anything One Disagrees With''04-21-2017Merriam-Webster has a new definition of “racism”2020-06-10
Trump Cancels 2020 Election Over Coronavirus Concerns03-10-2020The President’s Trumped-Up Claims of Voter Fraud2020-07-30
New, Less Problematic History Books Will Only Include What Happened In The Current Year06-24-2020Illinois community leaders want to abolish history lessons in schools2020-08-03
Nevada Church Avoids Coronavirus Restrictions By Installing Slot Machines07-26-2020Calvary Chapel to Hold Prayer Service (for Trump) at Las Vegas Casino.2020-08-06
Clever Churchgoers Avoid Arrest By Disguising Themselves As Rioters06-01-2020“Good morning, everyone. I’m happy to welcome you to the Grace Community Church peaceful protest.”2020-08-09
Anonymous White House Source Claims Trump Punched A Baby09-04-2020WATCH: 98 Times Trump Disparaged Babies By Using Them as an Insult2020-09-08
SAT To Be Replaced With DNA Test To Determine How Oppressed You Are04-10-2020College Admissions in a Covid Year: SATs Are Out, Personal Stories Are In2020-09-17
Inclusivity Win: State Of California To Make All Prisons Gender-Neutral09-20-2017California Gov. Newsom signs law requiring transgender prison inmates to be housed based on gender identity2020-09-27
Biden: 'You Have To Elect Me To Find Out What My Policy Positions Are''09-30-2020Biden: "You’ll know my position on court packing when the election is over"2020-10-08
Several States Issue Orders Requiring People To Run Around In Giant Hamster Balls05-11-2020THE FLAMING LIPSPLAY FOR CROWD ENCASED IN BUBBLES2020-10-15
President Trump Declares The Babylon Bee His Most-Trusted News Source01-19-2018Donald Trump Tweets Satirical 'Babylon Bee' Article Saying Twitter Was Down to Protect Bidenn2020-10-16
Biden Vows To Return Nation To Era When Press Didn't Bother Reporting On President's Scandals04-26-2019ABC, CNN avoid explosive Hunter Biden report; other networks give it fewer than five minutes, study finds2020-10-16
Biden Calls A Lid Until Election Day10-23-2020Joe Biden says he won't do any more in person campagining for the remaining 9 days2020-10-25
Democrats Propose Creation Of National Trump Voter Registry08-07-2019Antifa Leader to launch new website2020-11-04
Pollsters Claim Their Polls Were 100% Correct, But Everyone Voted Wrong11-04-2020Nate Silver to FiveThirtyEight Critics: ‘Fuck You, We Did a Good Job’’2020-11-04
Study Finds Connection Between Believing Russia Rigged 2016 Election And Believing 2020 Election Was Foolproof11-07-2020This is astonishing, from @zeynep’s newsletter: 91% of Democrats think that the 2020 election was free and fair, up from 43% in 20162020-11-24
Democrats Warn That Excess Thankfulness May Lead To Conservatism11-25-2020Unthanksgiving.2020-11-26
Men’s Health Magazine Celebrates Body Positivity With First Obese Cover Model08-12-2020Cosmo: This is Healthy Cover2021-01-01
Trump Announces He Will Only Leave Office If A Challenger Beats Him In Ritual Combat09-24-2020Rudy Giuliani says "I'm willing to stake my reputation” on the fact that there is election fraud: “Let’s have trial by combat.”2021-01-06
New York Governor Demands Accountability For Whoever Is Mismanaging New York10-27-2020Cuomo: Incompetent government kills people2021-01-26
Triple-Masker Looks Down On People Who Only Double Mask01-25-2021NBC News Segment- Effeciency of Triple Masking2021-01-26
BLM Rioters Awarded Nobel Peace Prize08-13-2020Black Lives Matter nominated for Nobel peace prizee2021-02-01
After Just Two Weeks Off Twitter, Trump Becomes Monk, Achieves Total Enlightenmentt2-3-2021Donald Trump 'Feels Happier' out of White House and off Twitter, Senior Adviser Says2021-02-08
Dave Ramsey Proposes New Stimulus Package Where Every American Is Just Sent A Stack Of Empty Budgeting Envelopes07-31-2020Dave Ramsey on stimulus checks: 'If $600 or $1,400 changes your life, you were pretty much screwed already'2021-02-11
Journalists Admit They're Supporting Biden Just So They Can Take Another 4-to-8-Year-Long Vacation08-26-2020Did Washington Just Have an Actual Weekend?2021-02-22
Biden: 'My Doc Says I Don't Have Alzheimer's, Dementia, Or Alzheimer's''08-19-2020We Need an Operation Warp Speed for Alzheimer's and Dementiaa2021-02-24
First Baptist Dallas Members Melt Golden Jewelry Down Into Towering Donald Trump Statue01-02-2018Gold statue of Trump appears at CPAC conference2021-02-26
Biden To Give First Address To Congress After He Wakes Up In The Spring3-1-2021White House: Biden will hold presser by end of March2021-03-05
Captain America Rebooted As Feminist, Atheist, Transgender Hydra Agent10-07-2016Marvel's newest Captain America is an LGBTQ+ activist2021-03-15
Democrats Vow To Follow The Science Of Whichever Union Donates The Most Money2-16-2021Powerful teachers union influenced CDC on school reopenings, emails show2021-05-01
Sheltered Atheist Kid Not Allowed To Watch 'VeggieTales''05-20-2019Atheist parents coping because their kids believe in God thanks to VeggieTales2021-05-09
Disney Announces New Movie Telling Sympathetic Feminist Origin Story Of Xenomorph Queen2-17-2021Noah Hawley Says FX’s ‘Alien’ Series Is “Not A Ripley Story”, Will Explore Consequences Of Inequality2021-07-01
Scientists Warn Of New Supersized Double Mega Limited Edition Teenage Mutant Ninja Snyder Cut COVID Variant...7-30-2021South Korea’s Disease Control and Prevention Agency said Tuesday that it had recorded at least two cases of the new coronavirus delta..2021-08-03
To Improve Public Perception, Kamala Harris Taking Likability Lessons From Hillary Clinton7-6-2021WH Asks Hillary Staffers How to Make Kamala More Likable2021-08-05
Vaccine Will Now Be Offered In Continuous IV Drip You Carry Around For The Rest Of Your Life4-12-2021Fauci warns Americans may face having booster shots indefinitely2021-08-13
Democrats Propose Replacing All Police With Traveling Bands Of Hippies Singing 'Imagine''06-09-2020Police pin hopes on ‘rainbow cars’ to drive out hate crime2021-08-22
For Convenience, Vaccine Passport Can Now Be Tattooed On Your Hand Or Forehead3-29-2021Inked up: Man gets tattoo of COVID-19 vaccine QR code on his armm2021-08-23
Oops! Public School Teacher Forgets To Remove Antifa Mask Before Logging On For Class08-15-2020California High School AP Gov Teacher Admits Communist Indoctrination of Students.2021-08-31
AOC Now Selling 'Tax The Rich' Caviar For Just $10,000 A Can12-03-2020AOC wears ‘Tax the Rich’ dress to Met Gala2021-09-13
Border Patrol Loses Horse Privileges, Must Now Bang Two Empty Halves Of Coconuts Together9-21-2021White House says border officials in Del Rio will no longer use horses2021-09-23
New York Times Praises Soviet Union For Unprecedented Gender Equality In Labor Camps07-22-2019Biden's Pick for Banking Regulator Once Praised Soviet Union for Having 'No Gender Pay Gap'2021-09-26
Trump: 'I Have Done More For Christianity Than Jesus'12-23-2019Donald Trump told a Christian TV network that nobody had done more for 'Christianity or for evangelicals or for religion itself' than him2021-10-03
California Bill Prohibits Stores From Selling Toys That Don’t Actively Confuse Children’s Sexuality02-28-2020Toys R They? CA Law Requires Stores To Have Gender-Neutral Area For Kids’ Products2021-10-11
LEGO Unveils New Genderless Bricks With No Male/Female Connectors5-20-2021Lego commits to removing ‘gender bias and harmful stereotypes’ from its toys2021-10-11
California School System To Feature Mandatory 2nd Grade Field Trips To Gay Bars06-28-2019School in Broward took elementary aged kids to a gay bar on a field trip2021-10-27
Weird: Many Southwest Planes Flying Banners Reading 'Let's Go Brandon'10-11-2021Southwest pilot is heard 'telling passengers Let's Go Brandon' at the end of flight2021-10-30
Op-Ed: We Need To Make Playground Equipment More Dangerous6-14-2021German Insurance Companies Demand Perilous Playgrounds So That Kids Can Learn About Risk2021-11-01
Biden Proposes $2 Trillion Bill To Study What's Causing Inflation Rates To Rise5-10-2021White House: Multitrillion-Dollar Spending Bill Will Combat Soaring Inflation2021-11-14
Church Services Across Country Begin With Rousing Chant Of 'Let's Go Brandon!'10-10-2021Let's Go Brandon' Chanted at QAnon-Linked Church Event in Texas2021-11-15
Surviving Inflation: 9 Easy Ways To Save Money On Your Thanksgiving This Year11-12-2021NBC suggests not having Thanksgiving turkey this year to deal with inflation costs2021-11-22
‘2 + 2 = 4,’ Insists Closed-Minded Bigot05-09-2017USA Today: Is Math Racist?2021-12-07
Progressive Church Announces New Drag Queen Bible Story Hour6-18-2021Huge Yikes! Lutheran Church Hosts Drag Queen Prayer Time For Children2021-12-17
Congress Passes Law Making Every Day January 6 So They Can Think About It All The Time8-17-2021Every Day Is Jan. 6 Now2022-01-01
Oh No! Biden Checks His To-Do List And Realizes He Totally Forgot To Shut Down The Virus12-29-2021Biden's to-do list for 2022 looks a lot like 2021's2022-01-02
Gavin Newsom Named U-Haul Salesperson Of The Year9-15-2021Californians fleeing for Texas so fast U-Haul runs out of trucks for them2022-01-07
Striking Blow Against Toxic Masculinity, Man Graciously Allows Wife To Shovel Driveway01-21-2019Jon Reyes Tweet2022-01-08
Biden Warns Russia That If They Invade Ukraine, America Will Evacuate Haphazardly And Leave $86 Billion In Weapons Behind12-7-2021Biden Admin Warns It ‘Will Not Be In A Position To Evacuate U.S. Citizens’ From Ukraine2022-01-23
Leftists Deeply Afraid Things Could Go Back To Normal9-29-2021Lifting restrictions could cause anxiety for many as unknowns persist: experts2022-02-09
Just In Time: Pfizer Introduces Miracle Treatment For Myocarditis12-16-2

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